Slit has a written a brilliant open letter to white activists. Mandatory ally reading.

Also totally apropos of what was going on in my head around 2:30 a.m. as I lay awake thinking about this. I said last week "this is the civil rights issue of our time" but what's true is it's the civil rights issue that is easiest for me to wrap my head around and approach. I care just as much or more about immigrant rights, but it's a huge and confusing issue that isn't as clear-cut as gay marriage is (for me) and I'm not sure what I can do about it or how. I've been looking for something new to volunteer for since the 8 campaign ended, and I still haven't found something that I'm comfortable with and can fit into my schedule.

Of course, that's privilege too, to decide that it should be convenient for me to get involved or help out. Sadly, some of the people and causes most in need of help are the ones it's least convenient, expedient, or comfortable to help. How much should I push my boundaries? That's actually one of the main questions for me right now, not just on this issue but in a more global way. I don't have an answer, but I have a lot of food for thought.

I'll shut up about 8 soon. Maybe.

General bitterness:
Andrew Sullivan has some good posts about the failures of the No on 8 campaign. My friend I. and I spent a quarter-hour the other day frothing at the mouth at one another on this very issue. I think the backlash - not neccessarily the court cases, but the grieving communities gathering in the streets and on corners and at churches and city halls - is going to do more for this cause than the No on 8 campaign itself did. I know that when I was recruiting for the No campaign (ahahaha WE RECRUIT) I spoke to two young women who were undecided as to how they would vote and unimpressed with my scripted lines. So I told them why it was important to me. I may even have choked up a bit (I'm an easy crier). They thanked me and went away, and I got a lecture from my official keeper about staying on message. But they came back, ten minutes later, and donated money to the campaign. From undecided voter to campaign donor. That's the power of a personalized message.

Apropos of those protests:

Queers United has the most comprehensive list of protest rallies. But if you live on the Bay Area peninsula, here are some more that aren't listed there.

And statewide:
Saturday. Nov. 15th
Join The Impact!
On the steps of your City Hall on November 15th at 10:30am PST / 1:30pm EST, our community WILL take to the streets and speak out against Proposition 8. Organize in your own town!

Tips for rallies: Foamcore board won't sag in the rain the way cardboard and paper do; glue your sign to a piece of foamcore (available at Office Depot). Or make it on the foamcore with Sharpie (regular markers will run!) Leave enough space around the margin on top, bottom, and sides so that you can hold it without obscuring your message.
Tips for candlelight vigils: Most supermarkets, particularly those in Hispanic areas, sell those tall glass devotional candles. There are usually several that are plain, without religious imagery on them; they withstand wind well, cast a nice light, and are easier to hold than tapers, which drip wax. They're fairly inexpensive, last a long time, and make good backups for power outages later on, too. Don't say the Catholics never did nothing for you (see below).
Tips for both: DRESS WARMLY! With rain gear! I say this as someone who is still sick after spending a lot of pre-election time standing in the wind and rain with "No on 8" signs. And bring an extra sign or candle for someone else, if you can; not everyone will be as well-prepared as you are.

Divided We Fall:
And I hate to even have to address this, but there's a lot of finger-pointing going on in the queer community. The black vote passed it! The Hispanic vote passed it! The religious vote passed it! < subtext subtlety=0>Oh, those awful black, Hispanic, and religious people!< /subtext> To which I say, STOP THAT. Stop that NOW. At least thirty percent, and in most cases more, of each of those populations voted NO on Prop 8. Each of those populations contains queer people; they're not mutually exclusive categories. Blame, rather than outreach, will only hurt us all. What is this prisoner psychology that pits us against one another to the benefit of no-one but The Man? Seriously, I tried to find studies on it and only came up with Zimbardo, but there have to be books on this. It's pathological and self-destructive and stupid, and I see it everywhere.

Faith, hope, and charity

A dearly beloved friend on the left was commiserating with me about the passage of Prop 8, and as part of her frustration, she said to me, "Fucking Mormons!" (The Mormon church gave tens of millions of dollars to the Yes on 8 campaign). And as I was writing my response to her, I realized that this is really something I want to say to everyone. This is important to me. Here's what I said:

Much as I am hating on the Mormon church qua institution right now, I can't hate on Mormons. You know six hundred of them held a candlelight vigil against 8 in Utah, on the eve of the election? A lot of them are fighting their faith on this, and that's huge and brave and amazing.

I guess, as a religious person, these kind of struggles are really hard for me. I hear the left bitterly blaming it on the church - I heard it from almost everyone I canvassed with and everyone I tabled with for this campaign. And they didn't say "some churches," either, they said, "religious people." That's me. And then there are a lot of churches, even from within my own faith, saying these horrible things about queer people, and that's me too.

It is possible to be a person of faith and not a bigot. It is possible to be a bigot and not a person of faith. It is difficult, for those of us whose faith is often espoused by bigoted institutions, to fight through to a place where we can reconcile our own beliefs about what is good and right with the messages coming from religious leaders. I was in a church yesterday morning, at the No on 8 election day hub in their community room, when some asshole showed up and ranted on about how unjust it was that the church had tax exempt status when it was actively opposing 8 and how he "can't believe you people."

There is a religious left in this country. It's largely invisible, because a key tenet of the left is that the church and state should be separate, so we tend not to conflate them when we speak out. But there are many of us - Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Catholic, and yes, Mormon - who believe that our faith provides us, not with an excuse to judge others, but with a moral imperative to work for social justice, for equality, and for fairness.

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God, and everyone who loveth is born of God and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God, for God is love." - 1 John 4:7-8.

That's my religion.

Yes, we can.

With less than 5% of precincts remaining to report in, I think it's pretty clear that Proposition 8 has passed.

This breaks my heart. In the midst of my joy at the Obama victory and my hope for a better future, I heard the pundits proclaiming victory over our bigoted, divided past. I heard them talking about how little brown children everywhere could dream of running for President. Our children can aspire to anything they want in this brave new world, everyone is saying.

Unless they are queer. Then, apparently, they can't even aspire to someday marry the person they love.

I am so disappointed in my fellow Californians, in their ignorance, blindness and intolerance. I had thought we were better than this. I had hoped we had grown. And we have, I suppose - Proposition 8 passed by 10% less than Proposition 22, another anti-gay-marriage proposition, did eight years ago. But it still wasn't enough.

And yet, I went out this morning to get coffee, and as the Squid and I waited to see the train (his treat for grocery store patience; the station is right next to the store) I realized something. Something obvious, but I'm a little slow sometimes to be able to shift perspective, so bear with me. I'm also no historian, so feel free to correct me if I am wrong on this.

The civil rights of minorities have never been established through popular vote in the United States.

They've often bounced back and forth in a few states, through the courts, voters, or state congresses. But it took the 14th Amendment, in the late 1800s, to give Black men the right to vote. Women didn't get the vote until the U.S. Congress passed the 19th Amendment in the 20's. It took the U.S. Supreme Court until 1967 to rule against anti-miscegenation laws. Abortion was illegal in most states in the years prior to Roe v. Wade.

It was not at all uncommon, in any of those cases, for courts or voters or legislatures to grant a right only to have the state constitutions amended to eliminate it later. It sometimes took forty years, sometimes a hundred, for the matter to be decided at the Federal level. I hope that the current struggle will not take nearly so long.

Proposition 8 was one battle, and I am devastated for all of us that we have lost it. But I do believe we will persevere, and that, in the end, we will overcome.

Yes, we can.

Conversations at my house

Last night....

Himself: I need to pack up the beer so I can go over to the neighbor's house. Do you have a bag?

Me: Sure, I ...

Himself: One that doesn't say, like, "Lesbians Unite!" on it.

Me: It's only my water bottle that says that.* No, here, have a Whole Foods bag.

Himself (taking the bag): Same thing.



* At the poll training for the No on 8 campaign, the couple who had graciously lent us their home provided water for the trainees in sports bottles branded with the Lesbian Equity Foundation logo, left over from some other event, and said we could take them home.

I can't stop crying.

I have a headache. I'm so happy. I have been crying for like, an hour. Since they called it. And I can't stop. He's going to be President.

And yet I'm still terrified. Prop 8 is currently passing by a comfortable margin (54/46), with 22% of precincts reporting.

I'm afraid this is going to be a bittersweet evening. I hope I am wrong.

Election day loometh

I didn't say this before, because I feel like I'm preaching to the choir, but just in case...

Please, if you are in California, please vote No on Proposition 8.

This is the civil rights issue of our time.

You can still donate here for last-minute TV ads. Or you can send them an email to see where there's a "rally" near you (that's the people who stand on street corners waving signs) on Election Day. Maybe I'll see you there!