No, no, the OTHER left

I think, often, of that scene in Pi where the guy takes a drill to his temple. Seriously, if that worked to take away the muscle tension and the jaw clenching and the pernicious headaches, I'd give it a go. But I don't think you can lance anxiety and muscle tension the way you can infections. More's the pity.

In the absence of alcohol, my muscle relaxant of choice, and reliable painkillers (acetaminophen, when you are used to ibuprofen, is little more than a placebo), I am left with an almost total absence of solutions to this type of tension. I do self-massage, using the methods I have been shown. I take my showers extra hot, right before bed. I get a massage as often as I can afford to, which is quarterly at most. I swim once a week, which is all I can fit in with work and childcare. I don't drink coffee after noon, I nap when I need it, I go to bed early and sleep as late as I can, and I try not to take on additional stressors outside my current minimal commitments. There has to be something else, but I feel that the usual suspects (self-pampering, meditation) are unsuited to me at some fundamental level.

I have been spending my free time over the past month or so streamlining my life. It's not hard, and it takes away a lot of the little stressors that I suspect contribute to the anxiety, though the clear truth is that the anxiety doesn't have a source I can eliminate; it's physical/chemical, the pregnancy makes it worse, and there's not a lot that cognitive-behavioral approaches can do. But there's not a lot anything can do, so working on chaos reduction is as good an approach as any. At least I reap spillover benefits. Thus far I have:

• Completely re-done the storage area in the garage, including major purge
  
• Completely re-done the spice cabinet and oil/vinegar cabinet organization, including purge
  
• Completely re-done the bathroom cabinet and drawer organization, including purge
  
• Completely re-done the under-sink kitchen organization, including purge
  
• Sent another huge load of things to goodwill and various new homes
  
• Created a binder of local area kid activities, organized by indoor/outdoor and when they are open

I'm going to run out of stuff soon, though. I've got the pantry, the taxes, and the Life.doc binder to go, and then ... well, there's always my ongoing "teach self to cook" project.

Most people don't start nesting frenzies until the month before birth. I'm just proactive that way, I guess.

I never thought that as an adult, my biggest challenges would be things as basic as sleep and getting my brain to turn off. When I was a kid, I was such a space case that my parents used to refer to me as "the Poet from Mars." I spent all my time off in some dream world of my own in my head, and always had trouble catching up with reality. Give me another thirty-odd years and I'll be ... oh, I dunno, what's the most unlikely outcome from here? A touchy-feely New-Age Earth mother type?

You ever feel like you took a wrong turn somewhere and ended up in a different life than the one you meant to live?

Hot and Sour Soup

I've wanted a good recipe for this for ages, and tonight I cobbled together one that is just how I like it. Disclaimer: This may or may not be how YOU like it. But everything in it (except white pepper powder) can be got from Safeway and it was relatively easy. I took out the mushrooms, not being a mushroom fan, and stuck in some cabbage and water chestnuts because I thought they were tasty.

Hot and Sour Soup

3 cups chicken stock
1.5 cups water

Heat to a boil. Add:

1/2 can bamboo shoots, rinsed and thinly julienned
1/2 can water chestnuts, finely diced
1 C green cabbage, thinly sliced and chopped
1/2 package tofu - all my local Safeway had was firm, but I'd recommend something a little softer.

Boil 3 min. Add:

3 T white vinegar
1 t salt
1/2 t sugar
1 t white pepper powder

In little bowls, mix together:

1 egg and I T water. Set aside.

2 T cornstarch and 2 T water.

Add the cornstarch mixture to the soup and stir to thicken. Once the soup is the desired consistency (you may wish to add more, depending on how thick you like your Chinese soups) and has come to a rolling boil, beat the egg and water mixture well and pour in the thinnest possible stream into the hot soup.

Add:

1/2 t sesame oil
1 T white vinegar.

Stir and serve. This quantity would do dinner (with rice) for several people or starters for 6-8.

If you like the darker (Southern Chinese) hot and sour soups, add a tablespoon of Sichuan hot bean sauce and reduce the white pepper powder by half. If you like mushrooms, you can get yours from a restaurant.