Tomato Nation strikes again

I swear, Sarah Bunting channels all my midnight insecurities and worries. Only they are all much funnier when she tells about them than when I wake up sweating at 3 a.m.

...when the side of the Parmalat container says that it's good for ten days, does it mean ten days after you bought it, or ten days after you opened it? Can't the Parmalat people just put a date on the side? Because, what, I remember when I opened a thingie of milk? It's not like losing your virginity; it's milk. Same thing with baking soda. Can't Arm & Hammer just install a little transmitter that peeps when it's time for a new box? Who actually writes the date in the little space on the side and then remembers to check it?

Do people . . . do that?

Oh, God. People do do that, don't they? People totally do that. Everyone in the world totally, totally does that except me. Everyone in the world has their household freshening system completely coordinated except me. I never know how to do anything!

If you are one of the people who does that, just don't tell me, okay? I prefer to believe that you don't exist. Denial is the only thing that keeps me going some days.