*sniffle*

My mother phoned me yesterday with bad news.

My baby brother (15, not so baby anymore) has to go to a residential program in Utah.

My brother's always been a tough kid, angry and violent and out of control, but sweet and smart and loving in between times of awfulness. He's been on probation for the last year or so for some stupid stuff he did (including mouthing off to the probation officer on his last day so she extended it!) and the teenage years have totally magnified the problem. And this weekend I guess he lost it, more than usual. Snuck out, broke into my mom's office, pushed my (60-year-old 130-pound) mother down, kicked, hit, got my father in a headlock...

On the terms of his probation, this will put him in Juvenile Hall unless they can arrange for an alternative - I guess this place in Utah is a school that has a therapy program and a lot of individual attention and a special group for adopted kids and everything. And he needs to go soon - I'm driving up this weekend because it might be the last chance I get to see him for a while.

This SUCKS. There is no other word for it. My brother is miserable, but he won't talk to anyone, just says he can't live with my parents anymore. My parents are miserable - they've worked so hard for so long to try to help him and they are at their wits' end. My mom sounded broken on the phone - defeated, and my mom never sounds like that, never gives up.

And it's nobody's fault, really. My brother obviously needs professional help, and no therapists in town will see him because he stonewalls them. He can't control his anger, and I hope that this program can give him the tools (and the desire) to learn how. My parents shouldn't have to feel unsafe in their own house, ever, family or no.

There are only a very few options, and this looks like the best of them. I don't know how long he'll be out there, or how often he'll get to visit. I'll miss him. And I'm just so sad — for all of us.

Perfect

Some days are just good.

Yesterday I was reminded just how incredibly lucky I am to have the friends that I have.

After I dropped N at the airport (5 am! Ack!) I took a brief carnap and then found a nice cafe near Dezz's house for several cuppas and quiet reading. Got all my reading for at least one class done, flirted with the charming babies that were all about, and met Dezz and Lucy for lunch. Got to see Michael briefly too - I don't get up to the city nearly often enough. How warm and funny and insightful and fun Dezz and Lucy are! We all interrupted each other and laughed really hard and I was simultaneously scarred and heartwarmed by the story of the Penis Rock...and then they made me go shopping (twist my arm, you know?) and I haven't had such a nice girls' day out in ages.

Drove down to meet Paula for dinner after and we ended up in a really nice Indian restaurant in Palo Alto. Making a new friend is so totally amazing - finding someone you can talk to, and who makes sense to you, is just so rare. And I noticed this when we did our qualitative project last quarter, but not only does Paula make sense to me, she has a way of looking at things that is just incredibly insightful, and it carries over into the personal as well as the academic.

I smiled all the way home. Most of the time I think of myself as fairly misanthropic, but as yesterday proved to me yet again, there are many people who really manage to make the world a better place to live in.

Enough schmoop. At this rate I could get a job with Hallmark when I graduate. On to today's work...