Ouch.

I miss my brother. I really, really miss him. It's been a year since I've seen him, and it's going to be at least another half year more. He wasn't there for my wedding. We didn't spend Christmas together, for the first time since he was three. I missed his sixteenth birthday and I won't be there when he turns seventeen either. He is growing up without me and so far away that I don't feel like I can reach him, like I can let him know how much I love him, like I can be part of his life. I keep hearing and seeing things that remind me of him- a snippet on the radio about Canadian adoption, a conversation with my folks, a TV show plot about a brother who needs his sister to be there for him - and falling apart. I just ... yeah. It's harder for him, and I know that he needs to be where he is, and that it's part of growing up for him to be away from us like this. It's just, I'm probably the only important person in his life he doesn't have major, deep-seated issues with, and I'm thousands of miles away. That sucks, no other word for it.