Sometimes I forget and lose my gratitude

It's not that I'm not still thankful for all the things for which I should be thankful. I bear constantly in mind how much worse things could be, how much less I could have, how lucky I am.

It's just that my brother is cutting again and acting out and has (just this evening) been sent back to the beginning of this (ostensibly six-month) program he's in, which he's already been in for more than a year. My parents will barely be able to see him at all when they visit next month. He never writes to me. I'm so goddamn angry with him I can barely see straight and yet I miss him. I'd like to be there for him. I'd like to be there for my parents. But really, only one person can fix this, and he's making some really, really bad choices and deciding that he is a victim and none of this is his fault. I know he's got some serious problems, and I love him and want him to get better, to come home, but I have less than no patience with people who don't take responsibility for their own behavior and actions.

So angry. So sad. So missing him. So frustrated and impotent and worried and upset. And angry. And sad.