Once Upon A Time...

...I was single, and dating, and because I lived in a small town with few people of my age and education level, I was dating through the internet personals. I'd done it for a while, with varying success, and I had an ad up, and people answered it. And stuff. And then one day I sat down and I wrote what I thought of as my "real" ad. I didn't show it to anyone, I just wrote it. Kind of like a wishlist to the universe or something.

It went like this (boldface is the online site's questions):

Last great book I read
You should get to know me because I'm pretty fucking smart. And funny. I'm an avid, catholic, tasteful reader and I think about what I read. I speak Chinese, read Spanish, and stumble about in Russian.

Most humbling moment
My friends like me. My dogs are (mostly) well-trained and good-natured. My cats are, well, cats. I sing on-key. I memorize poetry but don't recite it. I can tile a floor, make a stained-glass window, fix my plumbing, or paint a house.

Favorite on-screen sex scene
I'm a pragmatist, a cynic, a caustic pessimist with a stubborn Romantic streak (as in Goethe, not walks on the beach). I cook, I sew, I quilt, I bake, and I have enough Taekwon-do under my belt to defend myself. I swear like a sailor and mangle common French phrases.

Celebrity I resemble most
I'm a dilettante who admires dedication, a hermit who yearns for intimacy and an intermittent and indifferent athlete. I drink like a fish and rarely regret it in the morning. I don't dance. I smoke and then I quit and then I smoke and then I quit...

Best (or worst) lie I've ever told
I take less than a minute in the morning to 'do' my hair and forever to get out of the house. I believe lies while I'm telling them; I have an amazing capacity for self-deception. I like semicolons. I'm chronically late to everything. I tend to win at Scrabble. I am overly loquacious. I don't play chess.

If I could be anywhere at the moment
I want someone who will challenge me, who will make me run to keep up. I want someone to show me things I wouldn't find on my own, to know things I don't, to keep me on my toes. I want to find someone who will argue with passion but without rancor and win the argument as often as lose.

Song or album that puts me in the mood
I want someone who finds my faults rather endearing because they are mine. I want book recommendations, good conversation, help with the crossword and a lot of personal space. I want someone who will call me in the middle of the night and not apologize, who needs me and hates to admit it.

The five items I can't live without
I want someone who makes it worth my while to take the risks inherent in intimacy. I want someone who makes me want to meet them halfway, who doesn't kick me when I'm down, who will sneak into my solipsistic life and haul me out and give me CPR.

In my bedroom, you'll find
I want someone who speaks their mind. I want someone who knows who they are and is interested in finding out who I am. I want someone who will put up with my neuroses and scars because they have enough of their own and they know how it is. I want an adventure, a challenge and a partner in crime. I want not to settle; I refuse to compromise on my potential for happiness.

WHY YOU SHOULD GET TO KNOW ME
Because I so very rarely invest my time and energy in other people, and when I do I mean it. Because good people are never a waste of time. Because I know all the words to the Chiquita Banana song. Because I write doggerel for fun. Because I believe in whimsy and Occam's razor at the same time. Because I have a penchant for the wildly implausible. Because I find it easier to be intimate with total strangers than with people I know. Because I have no expectations but I allow myself some hope.

MORE ABOUT WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR
I admire singleminded pursuit of useless abstractions. I don't fight, and I hate whiners. I need a connection with other people that I'm not even sure I'm capable of anymore; maybe someone will prove me wrong someday.

Less than a month later, I met the man who is now my partner. Though I didn't meet him through the personals. And yesterday was our first wedding anniversary. While I am, on the whole, accustomed to getting what I want out of life, that was a seriously tall order and it still seems nothing short of miraculous to me that we found one another. Happy anniversary to us!