Woes Is Me

I have forgotten more things in the past week than I knew was possible. I have failed to solve easy problems, groped fruitlessly for the right words for a million things, misremembered my social security number, lost my bank card and my knitting, missed a deadline, flaked on my exercise, been unable to follow through on small tasks, and generally fucked everything up. I have never been less prepared for a meeting than I am for the (statewide, 50-person) meeting that I am running tomorrow.

They say in pregnancy your brain actually shrinks 3-5%. A mother told me recently that you never get it back, either, which made me want to smack her - who points out to sick people that they won't get well? Particularly if that's not everyone's experience? But that's probably just my hormones speaking, and she is a very nice person who thought she was being funny and sympathetic. Could I be less charitable? More irritable? And can I even blame this on pregnancy? It feels like a copout.

But my brain. It doesn't work, and I mean this is far beyond my usual disorganization and flail. I feel so stupid. All the time. And bad at my job. And afraid I'll fuck up, and the PTB are not helping, by giving me less than a week (effectively) to really prep for this meeting and asking me to do all their presentations for them (I am not their secretary, goddamnit). Set up for failure in a time when I feel like I'm failing at everything anyway. This is just bad news all around.