Gender Talk

Do Women Really Talk More Than Men?

"People want to believe there are clear-cut differences between men and women," she says, "because they are men and women. They don't want to think about the similarities, which outweigh the differences. The other thing they don't want to think about - which for a linguist like me is the most interesting thing - is the extent of variation within each gender group, which statistically is as great, or greater than, the variation between the two. Women are as different from each other as they are from men, and gender is about those differences, too. The way you think about yourself as a woman is not only about comparing yourself to the available men; it's about thinking about the kinds of women you are not."

Interesting, if not particularly shocking from a pragmatic point of view. And a nicely written piece, though the transcripts are skippable.

Thanksgiving

I am beyond grateful: For health, for wealth, for life. For the margin in which to make mistakes and not slip into a descending spiral of consequences. For clean air, and clean water. For the many luxuries and privileges of my first-world upper-class white overeducated passing-for-hetero existence. For parents who are my friends and still together and healthy and at least putatively retired. For a brother who is home and has a job and a fabulous girlfriend. For a Grammy who is 94.5 years old and just as full of love and laughs and wonderfulness as before. For excellent in-laws who are generous and kind and welcoming. For a partner who is patient and loving and supportive and funny and also a wonderful and involved father to our son. For our sweet blind spaniel and charming shepherd mix, still going strong in their old age. For friends both online and off and the support and laughter and ease and comfort and joy that they bring to my life.

This year, too, we have a whole new Squid-induced category of thanks: For an easy labor and a healthy baby. For his smile and his chortling giggles. For the way he concentrates so hard to figure things out. For the end of colic and the beginning of independent play. For breastfeeding without discomfort, and healing quickly. For a daycare where he is loved and adored. For reading books together and having him actually look at the pages. For the adorabilityness of teeth and footie jammies. For the incoherent start of linguistic development. For slow-dancing with his cheek against mine and his wee arms clutching me tight. For a new sense of purpose and meaning in life. For the good days, which outnumber the bad. For the grin he gives me across the room when he sees me. For his delighted shriek when I pop up from a hiding place. For making my small heart grow three sizes.

And for everything else: For California weather. For movies and telly and books and the internet and fanfiction and blogs and radio and music. For warm blankets on chilly nights and long showers and chapstick. For fresh vegetables and good coffee and soy milk and goat cheese. For flowers and pretty jewelry and great shoes and cotton jersey. For soft tissues and hot tea. For swingsets and digital cameras and long-distance calling and antibiotics. For a Democratic majority and our remaining civil rights and liberal comedians and investigative journalism and people who speak truth to power. For to-do lists that get shorter instead of longer. For washing machines and dishwashers. For the way the sun shines through my windows and naps (both my own and those taken by Certain Small Persons) and houseplants that don't die. For new things to learn. For tomorrow. For today. For all of it.

Helsinki Complaints Choir

Tomorrow I will give thanks. Today I am in love with the Helsinki Complaints Choir.*

Where can I find an .mp3 of this? Where can I find the Finnish lyrics so I can learn it and sing it?

* Link has sound.

Jobsearch blues

Being a parent of a small child and a stress insomniac is a bad combination. It means that even if I manage to get my brain to slow down long enough to fall asleep, chances are I'll be awakened in the middle of the night, giving it a chance to rev up again. I got four hours this time, but now I'm thinking about my job search and there's no way I'll be able to sleep.

I have three months to find a job.

I'm sure it looks like ample time, but it doesn't feel like it. It feels like panic.

You see, when I quit my last job to go to grad school, four years ago, I did my homework. I called people who had graduated from the program I attended and asked them about it. I asked them how to get the most out of the program. I asked them what I should know going in. And the wisest (I thought) advice I got was: Know where you want to be when you get out, and tailor your studies so you end up there.

So I looked around. I researched local companies. I looked at posted job descriptions. I did all the weird steps in What Color Is Your Parachute? to figure out exactly what sort of work I was looking for. And (within the limitations of my program), I tailored my studies to where I wanted to be when I got out.

Of course, no positions were (a) open and (b) local right around the time of my graduation, and I got another seemingly interesting job offer in a slightly different field, and. Well. We all know how that's worked out for the last three years. I really don't want to do that again - settle for a job that I know is not what I want and then spend a lot of time being unhappy. But I've been applying for jobs for four months now - longer, if we count the several times my dream job at my dream employer has come up; I would have broken contract to go there, so I applied for that as early as a year ago. In that time, eight jobs that fall within this niche (my field wants BAs to do data entry and PhDs to do direction and design; an MA leaves one in a bit of no-man's-land) have opened in my local area, and I have applied for all of them.

Not one interview. Not one. I did get a cold call from the dream employer after four applications, teling me that they had thought I was overqualified for the positions I'd been applying for (I'm not) but that they might get funding for a new position and they'd be interested in talking to me about it if they did. That call went well, and I was excited at the same time as I tried not to stuff all my eggs into that small, tentative basket. I continued to apply elsewhere (and to get no interviews).

Two things happened yesterday: In response to a polite query about the potential position (which I was initially told they'd know about last month), the dream employer responded that they were "still assessing hiring needs" and "it could be a while" and they'd "keep [me] in mind." And my 90-day notice of contract termination for my current job arrived in the mail. Cue panic. I don't like being unemployed - haven't been for over a decade now, except for grad school and the two weeks afterward I took to get married. But I really don't want to settle for another wrong-for-me job, either. This feels like a crossroads.

I want a job that is:

• In an office
  
• Under a director I respect
  
• With colleagues I mostly respect
  
• In research and/or evaluation
  
• In education
  
• That is a learning stretch for me without drowning me.

Apparently, this is a tall order. I get job offers all the time, but they're contingent on me working from home, or working by myself, neither of which I'm willing to do anymore. At the conference earlier this month, I got recruited with flatteringly heavy sells by colleagues in Boston, SoCal, Washington D.C., Portland, and Philadelphia, but moving isn't an option for me and my family.

I just - God. Is there something wrong with my resumé? Is the job market for this niche just saturated beyond belief? Am I being too picky? AM I CURSED? I should have run away from home and joined the circus become a librarian years ago.

Another boring personal update!

The baby has a cold, and is producing more snot than his body can possibly hold by volume. This morning he wiped his hand through the crust on his nose, rubbed his eye, and stuck his paw in my mouth, so I'm sure I shan't hold out for long myself. In fact, I just sneezed. Awesome. He's got a temp of 100.5°F, which means he can't go to daycare today, but he seems perfectly happy, playing and almost-crawling around, just a little more tired than usual.

Also, Himself called from India last night to say his project is in crisis and he needs 4 or 5 more days there to help fix it, so more solo parenting for me. Which is okay, really; now that the baby's sleeping through the night and better at entertaining himself, solo parenting isn't as exhausting as it used to be. Too bad we'll both be sick, though, or I could have people over.

It's going to be a long weekend, is what I'm saying.

ETA: Apropos of nothing, oh my god, check out this man's paintings. The most weirdly compelling ... not social commentary per se, but wow. He's captured some of the zeitgeist, for sure.

Move over, Sherlock

I think I know which dog ate the baby's diaper on Sunday. I bet it's the one that's been throwing up every half hour all morning.

I am a master sleuth, oh yes I am.

Portland, OR Nov. 1-5

Bulletins from the conference: I started this in the locker room of the hotel gym, when I had left yet another session early to pump breastmilk, and I'm only just now finishing it, having been home for two full days. Having sessions ten minutes apart certainly made for a lively and varied conference, but it was tough to reconcile with the need to pump. I ended up looking horribly unprofessional because I either arrived late or left early for half my sessions; I resigned myself to the rather mercenary technique of only sitting through full sessions when the presenters were people from organizations where I have been focusing my job search.

The conference on the whole was wonderful, and I was glad I went. I had to use vacation time and my own funds to attend, as the topic is not immediately applicable to my current project and we don't have the extra funds in any case. But I made wonderful contacts with people all over the nation, including some at the aforementioned potential employers, went to some truly fascinating sessions that had direct bearing on my freelance projects, and had the pleasure of meeting interesting, friendly people who can talk knowledgeably about this thing we all do, something of which working at home has deprived me for far too long. Worth it, definitely.

I had hoped to do a little more relaxing than I managed, but what I did manage was truly amazingly wonderful. I had dinner with friend KR Thursday, fun but unfortunately sober due to a work meltdown on several fronts that happened at 5 and took until 3 a.m. to fix. And the Nonlinear Family and I had excellent Thai take-in and drinks on Saturday night, once the conference was over.

Sunday was my first day without either baby or work, and it was perfect - I slept in (8:00! Woo!) and then pumped and showered and packed and met my good friend KP for breakfast. KP was Himself's and my "furniture friend" when we lived in Santa Cruz - the friend who is so easy to be with and comfortable that she's never a "guest." I miss her horribly, and it was great to see her again. In the afternoon I thrift-shopped for baby clothes, finished my holiday shopping (except for a gift for A! Who is impossible!), saw my friend J and her charming daughter, and checked myself into an airport hotel. My Nonlinear Hosts were totally excellent, and I loved staying with them and spending time with them, but Sunday night I wanted to retreat without feeling rude - and I love hotel rooms. I puttered about packing while I drew a long hot bath, ate crackers in bed, drank beer in the tub, and fell asleep with a sci-fi novel. Bliss.

I slept on the plane and came home to a clean house and a delightful family and even pot roast in the fridge for dinner. I have the best life ever. And I think I might be over last month's plague of bitchiness, though time will tell. Hallelujah!

How I Voted In 2006

I'm a yellow-dog Democrat most of the time, but I skewed a little more liberal this election, though not by much. Pragmatism prevents me from voting for third parties unless I'm pretty sure my "lesser evil" candidate is a shoo-in.

I'm not doing the calling parties because I am seriously sick of people calling me telling me to vote. If I can get my work done, I'm going to go stand on a street corner with a "GO VOTE NOW" sign instead.

Governor: Phil "The Other Guy" Angelides
Lieutenant Governor: John Garamendi
Secretary of State: Debra Bowen
Controller: John Chiang
Treasurer: Bill Lockyer
Attorney General: Jerry Brown
Insurance Commissioner: Cruz Bustamante
State Board of Equalization: Betty Yee
U.S. Senator: Todd Chretien
This is the Green Party candidate. Feinstein has more than a 10% margin, historically, over her opponents, and I didn't like her votes for the war in Iraq or the PATRIOT Act. It's a protest vote.
U.S. Representative: Tom Lantos
By the way, here is a handy link that will tell you if your House representative voted for the Military Commissions Act of 2006. Don't vote for anyone who voted for that. This is the link for the senate.
Member of the State Assembly: Ira Ruskin
Prop 1A: No
Prop 2A: No
Prop 1C: Yes
Prop 1D: Yes
Prop 1E: Yes
Prop 83: Hell No
Prop 84: Yes
Prop 85: OH DEAR GOD NO NO NO NO NO
Prop 86: YES. And again YES.
The "anti" ads complain that this sends your money to "special interests." Right. So, um, now hospitals=special interests and tobacco companies=the underdog? Whatever. This is a little more gray-area than it looks, but it's still absolutely a positive.
Prop 87: Yes
Prop 88: YES
Prop 89: YES
Prop 90: NO NO NO
It's a badly-written law with a deceptive summary. Opponents I trust have said that it could do as much as good old Prop 13 to ruin the state. Poison.