Let's do the numbers

July, August, September, and October (to date), 2007

• Total days: 123.
  
• Days solo parenting: 39 (32%)
  
• Total weekends: 17
  
• Weekends solo parenting: 5 (29%)
  
• Weekends my in-laws visited (and stayed with us): 3 (18%)
  
• Weekends I had to work at least one full day: 5 (29%)
  
• Major freelance deadlines involved: 4
  
• Major freelance deadlines met so far: 2
  
• Out of town meetings requiring major driving and/or overnights: 5
  
• New medications I was prescribed: 3
  
• Medications giving me fucked-up side effects, including insomnia: 3
  
• Nights on less than 7 hours' sleep: upwards of 30 (~25%)
  
• Doctor, dentist, pediatrician, and therapy appointments: 13
  
• Pounds I gained through stress eating and lack of exercise: ~5
  
• Illnesses in immediate family: 2
  
• New teeth broken in by Squid, occasioning much unhappiness: 4
  
• Nights Squid got parented by Pixar: ~12
  
• Times I took solace in heavy drinking: 2
  
• Times I cried under desk at work: ~4
  
• Times I sobbed uncontrollably for more than half an hour, not at work: 2
  
• Times I sucked it up and asked other people for help: legion
  
• Remaining energy to cope with, well, anything at all: nonexistent

I have been on the verge of tears since sometime this morning. The thing is, it's not the stress, or it's not just the stress, though I think that accounting would probably justify at least a small breakdown. I'm just near the deep bottom low of the omnipresent roller coaster, and my thoughts are getting toxic and I can't bring myself back up. I hope I can stay functional enough to at least clear those last two deadlines this weekend. I have an ~iatrist appointment next week, so it will be the med-go-round again. God, I hope that this stops soon.