So, my friend J called me a few days ago. "Are you okay?" he asked. "K and I have been worried about you."
Oops.
The good news - the great news, even - is that I am okay. I am really, actually okay for the first time in months and months - the new medication seems to be working out fairly well (the side effects are minimal, if undesirable) and I feel like myself, which is an enormous relief. My therapist said when I saw her last week, "Wow, I've never seen these parts of you!" (And no, you perverts, I had all my clothes on. Geez.)
So that's awesome. That's beyond awesome.
It's also left me a little scattered - between suddenly being able to enjoy my time with the Squid and Himself, there's holiday stuff going on, and we went on vacation for a week, and things a work are a little off-n-on - somehow it's harder for me to manage my life consistently these days. You'd think it would be easier now that I'm feeling better, but the loss of my grim, high-anxiety functionality approach to life took some of the functionality with it. So no Squidbits this month, and I'm sorry I didn't say sooner that I'm doing okay.
In the meantime, let me offer you a YouTube playlist of something that makes me happy. I love it that these people exist. And that they do this. I mean, they all have a hat out for cash, but I have a feeling that the ability and drive to do this originates from a place of pure joy.
Street tap. Watch to the end if you have time; the final guy taps in wooden geta, those Japanese sandals that have wooden blocks in the center. Fucking amazing.
Oops.
The good news - the great news, even - is that I am okay. I am really, actually okay for the first time in months and months - the new medication seems to be working out fairly well (the side effects are minimal, if undesirable) and I feel like myself, which is an enormous relief. My therapist said when I saw her last week, "Wow, I've never seen these parts of you!" (And no, you perverts, I had all my clothes on. Geez.)
So that's awesome. That's beyond awesome.
It's also left me a little scattered - between suddenly being able to enjoy my time with the Squid and Himself, there's holiday stuff going on, and we went on vacation for a week, and things a work are a little off-n-on - somehow it's harder for me to manage my life consistently these days. You'd think it would be easier now that I'm feeling better, but the loss of my grim, high-anxiety functionality approach to life took some of the functionality with it. So no Squidbits this month, and I'm sorry I didn't say sooner that I'm doing okay.
In the meantime, let me offer you a YouTube playlist of something that makes me happy. I love it that these people exist. And that they do this. I mean, they all have a hat out for cash, but I have a feeling that the ability and drive to do this originates from a place of pure joy.
Street tap. Watch to the end if you have time; the final guy taps in wooden geta, those Japanese sandals that have wooden blocks in the center. Fucking amazing.
posted by The Stute Fish at 07:17
3 Comments:
Glad to hear you're doing better. I recommended your blog to a friend who has small children and deals with depression.
I tripped today and scraped my knee on the way to work. And here I thought I was too old for torn pants and scraped knees.
-Anon
Never too old for toddler-type injuries, sadly. They just come less often...until we get really old and start falling because our bones are brittle and our joints don't work. :P
I hope things work out for your friend. Parenting while depressed is SO HARD. It is the main reason I had decided only to have one child - we had always talked about two, but I seriously felt that I could not handle another when I was so unstable.
If the meds keep working and I can figure out how to stay medicated through pregnancy/breastfeeding, I might reconsider, but not anytime soon - it was pregnancy and breastfeeding that sent me into the downward spiral after three years off my meds in the first place, so I am a little terrified of trying it again, and with a small one already to take care of this time...
Never too old for toddler-type injuries, sadly. They just come less often...until we get really old and start falling because our bones are brittle and our joints don't work. :P
I hope things work out for your friend. Parenting while depressed is SO HARD. It is the main reason I had decided only to have one child - we had always talked about two, but I seriously felt that I could not handle another when I was so unstable.
If the meds keep working and I can figure out how to stay medicated through pregnancy/breastfeeding, I might reconsider, but not anytime soon - it was pregnancy and breastfeeding that sent me into the downward spiral after three years off my meds in the first place, so I am a little terrified of trying it again, and with a small one already to take care of this time...
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